>Brad,
>It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
>like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
>truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
>in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
>would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or
>anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us
>had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you
>being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly
>words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking
>that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just
>went through a horrible break up or something.
>
>
>
>The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid
>me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed.
>I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping
>that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also
>hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds
>totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant
>role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally
>strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior
>didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you
>hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a
>terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or
>do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that
>fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever
>imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my
>life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am
>not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't.
>If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my
>stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house,
>if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I
>can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it
>was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not
>that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.
>
>I am so sorry.
>
>Elizabeth
>
>
>
>RESPONSE:
>
>Dear Elizabeth,
>
>Thank you for your concern. I'll be
>sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken
>whores I couldn't care less about". You did a stupid thing huh?
>No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid
>thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing";
>Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar
>wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that
>morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent
>removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was
>more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not
>once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him"
>somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less
>if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves
>around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm
>sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider
>someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is
>that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think
>you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands
>about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be
>wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to
>spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in
>New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides
>30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is
>worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing
>about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who
>finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll
>have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened. By the
>way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really
>must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
>Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
>watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
>
>PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
>
>Talk to you never,
>Brad
posted by Triple D @ 8:57 PM
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